Justin Bieber - My World (Part I) - Island Records, 2009

There is a person someplace on this earth (most likely an overweight, white male), who looks through a magical telescope. He searches for things that define normal people…you and I, for example. Things we claim as our own. He takes these things and puts them in a simmering pot. 4 hours later, Justin Bieber steps out of the cauldron and ruins it for the rest of us. Now be honest, how would you feel if you saw a prepubescent mannequin wearing the exact outfit you had on? You’d burn your clothes and cry bloody tears of shame. The pop-culture overlord will also pull on Usher’s leash real hard, but only Usher’s actin up a fool. The current attack plan from trendy folks is now to look like trash. Just dress like absolute garbage and perhaps the overlord will stick his long peeper someplace else. But they are wrong. Cause the next teen, pop star will be dressed like a dumpster slut. As a bonus, she”ll come with a bottle of pills and so much ego you’ll be able to smell it with your tongue. Our only option at this point is not to like anything too much. Also, spread out. Stop going out in packs of one ‘“look”. And, yet, as you will inevitably find yourself drawn with insatiable lust to the latest and greatest…don’t say a damn thing or it’ll be taken away 5 years later.