Thom Yorke - The Eraser - XL, 2006

Hey Thom. How ya doin, bud. In a few months, we’ll be coming up on the 3 year anniversary of the release of your first (and hopefully only) solo album. I can safely say, now, that this record will never be good. On the other hand, if in 500 years, the life forms ruling earth find a copy of The Eraser and if, for some reason, all knowledge of Radiohead’s existence has been forgotten…you may just receive the acclaim we know you were expecting back in ol’ 2006. The world already knew you were the lynchpin of one of the greatest musical groups of all time. The moment a fact like that is stated out loud, it loses all its magic. You literally interrupted our laughter to explain the joke you had just told. I want to slap the back of your short little head, but I’m afraid I’d whiff because I’ve got be at least 2 feet taller than you. And I’m not saying I’m superior to you, because I’m taller. I’m just saying I hate your worthless little laptop record. Why couldn’t you have just recorded some creepy songs on an upright piano and called it a day. That would have at least been an honest attempt to give your fans something real. We didn’t need anymore electrobabble. Moby isn’t hated because he’s bald. Don’t be Moby, Thom. Be Thom. The Thom we feel knows us and writes the words we can’t find. The same Thom that could crawl into the physical space that contains our soul and snack on it. We wont fight it. You can snack on our souls, Thom, because in some other existence/dimension you are the keeper of the singular thing that makes us human: our ability to listen.