Yeah, I'm Listening.

The Walkmen - Lisbon - Fat Possum, 2010 Aging gracefully is all...

Sun, 20 Nov 2011 15:36:00 -0500

The Walkmen - Lisbon - Fat Possum, 2010

Aging gracefully is all at once easier said that done and a continued series of intentional decisions, both leading you to over-thinking every last detail of your apparently significant life and learning to completely throw away the concept of giving a shit. I’m a guy, so part of growing up is gray hair becoming handsome and a simple/classic wardrobe reflecting realism and a self-accepting/awareness that you wish you could time-travel-teach yourself at any age before 20 (not that any of us would listen). The irony? I’m only 29 and just now starting to experience some of the satisfaction of growing up. No longer does growing up necessarily mean ruining everything in your path to knowledge, wisdom and fame. Don’t get me wrong, I still have plenty of mire to wade through. But as I near 30, I’d like to think that MAYBE I’m doing SOMETHING in my life right. I’m still only talking about a handful of things in any given month. 1 or 2 got-it-right moments a month perhaps? But what a fucking improvement that is over constantly wiping shit off my face. At 29 years old, I’ve gotten so used to the smell of shit on my face that I don’t even notice when it’s there. Of course, everyone else notices. And I’ve started to recognize friends as the people that will still point out a brown smear if they see one. My good friends have fresh tissue in hand. Now, don’t get your hopes up that I’m going to wrap this one up with a nice bow like I normally do. Being alive for 29 years doesn’t mean shit and certainly doesn’t qualify me to give good advice. But, people, stop caring. PLEASE. There is a voice in all of us telling us what naturally comes next. Crank up the volume on that one and trust every other word it says. Learn how to distinguish it from all the fearful, terrified echos filling your heads. I’m going to keep working on this too. Hopefully, when we compare notes in 5 years, we’ll both learn how wrong I was yet again. Breaking out the Charmin…1-ply isn’t going to cut it this time.

Black to Comm - Alphabet 1968 - Type, 2009 There was never a...

Wed, 27 Jul 2011 02:24:00 -0400

Black to Comm - Alphabet 1968 - Type, 2009

There was never a time in my life when I felt less like myself. It was 10th grade and I was sitting on the floor of the youth group room at my parent’s church. Aside from the low-nap, beat-to-shit carpeting that was transferring a fine grid of ageless dirt to my hands, every other surface of that large room was covered in dark, fake wood panelling. It was claustrophobic in more ways than one. The slightly-older-than-me youth “leader” sat/collapsed too closely and asked if I was into the band currently playing over the loudspeaker. Whatever bullshit I told him he ate with a serving ladle. Maybe he thought this meaningless conversation might lead to some kind of connection and another young, wild boy to fit tightly under his heaven-bound wing. I have no idea what his name is and I would never recognize him today. But when I try to picture his acne scarred face and curly hair, I can’t help but image him dying in a horrific car accident leaving his young wife paralyzed and their newborn baby in the care of grandma and grandpa. The miserable crying seeping from the stained glass panes of the large, fake wood room. Highschool kids bawling their misguided eyes out over the passing of their beloved Wednesday night shepherd. The shepherd is always a man. A man that when left on his own would beat off until he dick bled. A man that, in his head, would talk over people just so that his face wouldn’t give away his drowning boredom. A man that reached down to unbuckle his own seatbelt just before impact. Don’t fall for it. Don’t fall. Climb until the sun burns your body to nothing and the person you think you can be is set free from the filth. We have all escaped the great canal once. Now, we clamor to return.

Radiohead - The King of Limbs - Self-released, 2011 Thom Yorke....

Tue, 01 Mar 2011 12:21:00 -0500

Radiohead - The King of Limbs - Self-released, 2011

Thom Yorke. What a guy. I bet he’s real comfortable in front of a mirror. After about 15 seconds in front of a mirror I start to go crossed eyed. Probably a result of my strict religious upbringing…something about hating yourself until you can’t stand the site of your own face. What a depressing shit-hole of self-awareness. I hate the sound of my own voice too. Like, I REALLY really REALLY really can’t stand hearing a recording of myself in conversation. I sound like a 16 year old female auctioneer from the valley with an abnormally deep voice and a mild case of down syndrome. Thanks, Sunday school. How did I ever make it to twenty with any shred of confidence? Actually, it was probably playing in bands that allowed me to tap into “Spotlight Ben” and develop my signature Döttling strength confidence. It’s nearly impossible to not go top-heavy when you’re inches above a room full of people who are all looking RIGHT at you and then clapping every time you take a break from whatever is it that you’re doing up there. I’ll be first in line to admit that nothing I did from 19-24 warranted this clapping. But they clapped anyways. Idiots. All my siblings are cocky ass-holes, too, though; yet none of them are musicians. Ah, but they are performers. My sister danced. My other sister did gymnastics. And my brother was in theater. My other other sister is too young to have done anything important yet. But when she does, you can be sure it will be on a stage. Dad was a drummer and mom was a cheerleader. What the hell, man. An entire family of attention junkies. Religion couldn’t break us. Being poor couldn’t break us. Fuckin unstoppable. Until you consider our fate. Dancing, alone, in front of a camera for five straight minutes. No, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that kind of behavior. Carry on.

The National - High Violet - 4AD, 2010 The year is 1846. There...

Mon, 02 Aug 2010 09:33:00 -0400

The National - High Violet - 4AD, 2010

The year is 1846. There is a black steam engine slowly building speed as it moves across the country. Soon, word spreads of the iron beast and rumor is that this train is going somewhere very important. With anticipation, children dream, women breath heavily, men feel a pride that comes with association oneself with greatness and telegraph operators barely have time to sleep. Upon entering each station, the engine seems to grow larger, with a well oiled precision that comes from rest and care, not from countless days of travel. In quite a short amount of time, the modest steam engine has become legend, it’s whistle heard at the farthest reaches of the first world. In a cloud of steam and satisfaction, the engine roared towards it’s final station. Yet all that emerged from this foggy halo was a simple, grey cart set on four steel wheels…barely managing to coast to the platform. The repetition and constant self-clamoring of the near invincible engine had become a straining sound on the ear of it’s followers. In it’s singular mission of completing the journey, the steam engine had not noticed that electric, flying cars had been invented and that no one gave a fuck about trains anymore.

Justin Bieber - My World (Part I) - Island Records, 2009 There...

Wed, 06 Jan 2010 17:59:01 -0500

Justin Bieber - My World (Part I) - Island Records, 2009

There is a person someplace on this earth (most likely an overweight, white male), who looks through a magical telescope. He searches for things that define normal people…you and I, for example. Things we claim as our own. He takes these things and puts them in a simmering pot. 4 hours later, Justin Bieber steps out of the cauldron and ruins it for the rest of us. Now be honest, how would you feel if you saw a prepubescent mannequin wearing the exact outfit you had on? You’d burn your clothes and cry bloody tears of shame. The pop-culture overlord will also pull on Usher’s leash real hard, but only Usher’s actin up a fool. The current attack plan from trendy folks is now to look like trash. Just dress like absolute garbage and perhaps the overlord will stick his long peeper someplace else. But they are wrong. Cause the next teen, pop star will be dressed like a dumpster slut. As a bonus, she”ll come with a bottle of pills and so much ego you’ll be able to smell it with your tongue. Our only option at this point is not to like anything too much. Also, spread out. Stop going out in packs of one ‘“look”. And, yet, as you will inevitably find yourself drawn with insatiable lust to the latest and greatest…don’t say a damn thing or it’ll be taken away 5 years later.

Clues - Clues - Constellation Records, 2009 Sometimes taking a...

Wed, 06 Jan 2010 15:26:45 -0500

Clues - Clues - Constellation Records, 2009

Sometimes taking a straightforward approach works. So often the most convoluted execution is the one which receives the most praise. Creative people generally feel that in order to make something interesting, it must come from the farthest corner of their faux-tormented minds. Their lives are (so) hard and they think their frustration must be the fuel for making the things that will define their generation. The great contradiction is when you see these dudes/broads walk from their favorite hole-in-the-wall bar to their brand new volkswagen. If great art comes from true turmoil, these whiners should be producing crap…oh wait. How about we all take a lesson from Swiss design. Do it simply, do it well and for good measure…do it with a passion that comes from seeing your hard work produce genuine, human expression. Clues knows what I’m talking about. Good work, boys.

Health - Get Color - Lovepump United, 2009 Hard angry music has...

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:52:00 -0500

Health - Get Color - Lovepump United, 2009

Hard angry music has its place in this world. Droning dissonant notes, vocal chord scaring screaming and overall hatred for everything around you gives a HEALTHy balance to the creamy, clean pop music we’re all subjected to…especially when we least want it. Grocery stores play this crap I’m talking about. Music that is so homogenized, that it becomes audible creamed-corn. Mushy, sweet chunks. We don’t have a choice. We, without choice, find ourselves in grocery stores, dentist offices and elevators. And in all these prisons, we’re forced to listen to music the general population has voted for. According the Georgia Guidestones 12 out of 13 people must die to regain balance on the earth. Take THAT, majority rule. I have to imagine any of the boys in Health would push a button labeled “12 out of 13 people die if you press this button.” I would too, if I didn’t have kids. You can’t kill your own kid(s)…not even for the salvation of mankind. Come on.

Phoenix - Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix - V2 Records, 2009 You know...

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:40:00 -0500

Phoenix - Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix - V2 Records, 2009

You know what this country needs? More war. And who will lead us to wipe our enemies from the face of this planet? My warring wife and her insatiable blood-thirst. She’ll lead the charge with shunning stares and verbal trickery. Confusing the hell out of her enemies with shameful stories she’ll tell in front of all your friends. Shameful…like Phoenix coming out of crap-tirement to write one good song and then have their label build an entire album around it. I hope my wife attacks France first, as punishment for not burying Phoenix with whatever else was cool in 2003.

Pete Yorn & Scarlett Johansson - Break Up - Atco/Rhino,...

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 15:49:00 -0400

Pete Yorn & Scarlett Johansson - Break Up - Atco/Rhino, 2009

These songs sound so worn out. Why is SJ trying to sing like other people? Why even is she singing? Scarlett belongs in movies. At least that way we’re not subjected to the sorry person behind the fantasy. I made the mistake once of saying I thought Scarlett Johansson was hot (immediately after seeing Lost in Translation) and now I am verbally crucified by my wife anytime Johansson comes up in conversation or is in another crappy movie. She was off to a great start, being an indie film with Bill Murray. But something happened along the way and now she looks/sounds like a used up chew toy. The cover art for this album is trying to make us believe things that aren’t true. We’re supposed to think we’re getting a glimpse into an intimate moment between two people who “are in it for the music.” Nope. Wrong. Although I’ll give Warner Bro’s props for trying to connect with the average American…pawn shop guitar, worn out couch, vintage license plate decor, cardigan, ponytail. Cool. What may be the most disgusting thing about this piece of garbage is that I am secretly curious as to whether or not these two people had a real relationship. It’s that gossipy, black-tar center of my soul that wants to know if they screamed when they fought. Did they had sloppy, cry sex when they made up? At what secret location did they do their grocery shopping together? Then my brain starts working and I am sobered into reality with the obvious truth: marketers are getting smarter and these two people are whores.

Do Make Say Think - Other Truths - Constellation, 2009 I...

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 17:18:29 -0400

Do Make Say Think - Other Truths - Constellation, 2009

I commented to my buddy Dave that the drums on this album sounded “crappy good”. He immediately corrected me by saying they sounded “real”. Damn. Even a music snob like me has had his reality distorted by the polishing hand of mainstream production. The average person has no idea how much tweaking, engineering, programming and lying it takes before sound is considered acceptable for human ears. I’ve actually gotten to the point where I enjoy recordings more than live music. Is that bad? My experience with music is so completely different from its origins. There was a time when music was experienced only in large groups. You couldn’t listening to anything you wanted, at any time. The social intertwining was an integral part in what people even thought music was or could be. Now, I don’t want to get too deep here. Granted these are the same people who lived in constant filth and disease. But the topic of the lack of social integration of music comes up a lot amongst my friends. This personal music revolution (thanks sony) is brand new and I dont think we’ve seen the resulting effects…yet. I would love to have people over to my house and (actually) play them songs and then collectively sings the ones we know. If we were limited to experiencing music this way, we wouldn’t be limited to enjoying music alone. Modern concerts are garbage. The idiots that show up were all listening to band’s music in the car on the way there, so they can’t fully appreciate what they’re hearing. They chit-chat and drink and socialize, because they’ve already heard the songs a hundred times. On this day (September 17, 2009), I am setting forth the challenge for a group of musics to only play live. Stop recording. Bands don’t make money selling records anyways. I think it could actually take off and it would create such an amazing experience for those who were able to attend the shows. “Word of mouth” is still one of the strongest, most trusted ways to communicate. This would totally work. Someone please do this. Now.

Muse - The Resistance - Warner Bros, 2009 I didn’t even...

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 16:07:00 -0400

Muse - The Resistance - Warner Bros, 2009

I didn’t even make it though the entire album. I had to quit around track 6; just before the needle on my disappoint-o-meter dipped past “I had to buy a car charger at Walmart because there wasn’t another store within 30 miles and my phone was dead”. Absolution really was a fantastically pleasing album. As pop-sensible as it was, you still got the sense that these boys could really play their instruments. And the words coming out of Matt Bellamy’s supercharged vocal chords were believable. As a contradiction, this new album has the depth and interestingness of Christian Rock. Which is an interesting strategy by the suits at Warner. “Let’s make a cross-over band, that moves from mainstream over to Bible Bookstores…just for fun!” Let’s just pretend this is what happened (because the truth would probably be much less interesting). In this “new reality”, I’m fine with record labels using bands to test new marketing schemes. I really don’t care…until, they start testing with bands I like(d). That’s bullshat. Go experiment with any of the other washed up talent you have on your roster, Warner Bros; but leave my Muse alone. Sure they are what Radiohead would have been, had Radiohead not written Ok Computer. And yes, some of their songs got annoying after a while. But that just means I needed to take a break. After 6 months or so, I would have enjoyed them again. You didn’t have to go make them crappy on purpose!! As you all hopefully know by now, I am a realist. So I can’t just let this review end without a nugget of truth. The new Muse album sucks, but they weren’t very good in the first place. Absolution was a fluke. A neural misfiring that worked in our favor. If a person or group of persons can’t write more than 10 good songs, then they plain and simple aren’t any good. Luck exists. Its real. Some combination of right elements gave Muse the fortitude and ability to give use a few good songs and now the fun is over. They have a contract to fulfill and can probably still make a few quid, so they’re going to stay in the game until it no longer makes financial sense. We can expect at least one or two more albums from the lads of Devon. But please don’t get your hopes up…lightening only strikes once.

David Bazan - Curse Your Branches - Barsuk,...

Tue, 08 Sep 2009 12:56:39 -0400

David Bazan - Curse Your Branches - Barsuk, 2009

Dave…please take the time to look on the internet, find a pdf manual for your reverb plugin and learn how to turn it off. Were you forced to record your vocals in a cave? How gloomy of you. The most annoying thing about your huge vox is that now all my friends who think they are you, are going to mutilate their next ep with the same ridiculous effects. It could have worked on one or two tracks, but the whole damn thing? Really?! I’m going to pull Amy Poehler out of SNL semi-retirement and get her and Seth to do a Weekend Update bit on you. Really. This most recent annoyance aside, I have a bigger bone to pick with you, David. What the hell happened after Achilles Heel? Is your ~~penis~~ ego so big, that you couldn’t even handle a little collaboration? Your wiki says you collaborate; but when I read through that article, it sounds more like you were making guest appearances. T.W. was (in my meager opinion) one of the best things that happened to your music. That record had variety, emotion and color. Control is a decent album, too; but it all basically sounds like the same song in different keys and tempos. And this new stuff you’re doing is just boring. Your not a Christian anymore, so you sing about drinking beers with your buds. I would rather stuff you back in the Jesus-closet…at least in there you were singing about murder, sex and other general frustrations young men have in their 20’s. Last note, please tell me what the point was of “going solo”. You’ve changed members so many times over the years and remained Pedro the Lion, why change it up now? It’s not like you chose a more marketable band name…you went with YOUR name…as if your egomaniacal persona needed any more fuel. Now you can call me a liar, because I am bringing up one more thing: STOP PLAYING “LET DOWN”. You’ve been playing it so long that certain people I know think you wrote it. Its cute to do a Radiohead cover. Its lame to put said cover on an EP. You play that song, too, like you’re playing the gloomy version of it. HA! Just give that one up. You write better when you’re angry, not sad and contemplative. Hopefully, after reading this review, you’ll hit the studio and write songs about murdering online writers. The musiverse will once again be restored.

Deerhunter - Microcastle - Kranky, 2008 People keeping telling...

Sun, 23 Aug 2009 15:08:00 -0400

Deerhunter - Microcastle - Kranky, 2008

People keeping telling me I would like Deerhunter. All the right elements are there, but the songs just don’t go anywhere. So stop suggesting them to me. Oh, and Bradford Cox is a creepy little skeleton man. I can’t imagine even being in the same room with him. Even if it was a huge room and I couldn’t see him. Even now, as I’m writing; I can’t get the sounds of his little stick limbs knocking against each other out of my head. I don’t like deerhunter. I’m aborting this review now…maybe something Mr. and Mrs. Cox should have considered.

Black Eyed Peas - The E.N.D. (Energy Never Dies) - Interscope,...

Sun, 23 Aug 2009 14:50:00 -0400

Black Eyed Peas - The E.N.D. (Energy Never Dies) - Interscope, 2009

Back in 1991, a group of rowdy young fellers from Seattle set out to preach against the evil’s of selling out. Twenty years before that, the punks were evangelizing the same message by beating the crap out of each other instead of selling merch. Twenty years before that, the Beatles fought against the same accusations by doing even more drugs and losing their freaking minds (nice work, boys). Now its 2009. We haven’t had many (if any) strong anti-corp messages from artists, because the truth is…everyone likes being rich. We’ve collectively decided that and now we don’t care what it takes to acquire as much money as we possible can. Neither do the Black Eyed Peas. In fact, I believe BEP have reinvented the art of selling out and have moved far beyond reasonable means. These people wrote a song for Target…that place your girlfriend goes to get cute “tops” on the cheap. They didn’t sell Target one of their already recorded, nonsense songs; they wrote a brand new one. Granted, The Blacky Pees would never have been considered the Shakespeares of their time; at least not based on anything they’ve written yet. And a lot of talented and respected people write music for commercials every day. But commercial musicians don’t generally get songs on the Billboard top 10. Being that popular can bring with it an enormous amount of influence on mainstream culture and, more importantly, our kids. The 80’s for me were the pinnacle of evil in this regard. Every corporation was spending more and more of their “hard earned” pesos on turning us all into walking adverts. But then a sea change happened in the 90’s and we all got wise (well, some of us did). And although our little rebels brought messages of anti-corporation to the main stage, they still were very much part of what they were fighting against. Maybe that’s why certain shotguns were placed in certain mouths. So now that we’re coming up on that next 20-year marker, what will the climate be? Honestly, I think the cultural pendulum is running out of steam. Energy DOES die, you idiots. Were you not listening in your high school science class? Unless some catastrophic thing knocks that pendulum HARD (a real depression, WW3 or 2012 Global Chaos), I believe we may be (finally) settling into some sort of cultural balance. Where a gorup like the Blacks Eyes Peeps can co-exist with Radiohead, or Grizzly Bear. And Noah Lennox can make his music AND make a living. Its really quite incredible. Yes, the internet plays a huge role in this great equalizing. But I can guarantee you this: once the suits figure out that the playing field has actually been leveled, they’re going to shit their pants. Just don’t freak out when you see the Shins in a Taco Bell commercial or Beyonce starts showing up at mall openings. When advertiser’s shouting can’t be heard, they grab a megaphone.

Dirty Projectors - Bitte Orca - Domino, 2009 The first time I...

Tue, 18 Aug 2009 18:34:00 -0400

Dirty Projectors - Bitte Orca - Domino, 2009

The first time I saw/heard Dave Longstreth was on a Take Away Show a few years ago. He was walking around a Brooklyn park, with a guitar, singing angry words at a cop…a black, female cop. He immediately became my hero. Yes, he’s a crazy-talented musician; and yes, he creates unimaginable melodies that stick in your head like pine tree sap; and yes, Bitte Orca is (hands down) my pick for album of the year. But I think it’s Dave’s distain for the American police force that has grafted a special connection between myself and his art. Dave and I are sick of paying for public servants who on a daily basis overstep their boundaries as law-enforcers and become mini gods we all fear. Yeah, I’m afraid of cops…and I’m white! What ever happened to “Innocent before proven guilty”? The only attitude I’ve ever gotten from a cop is “Guilty until I say so”. These people are supposed to protect us, and instead they hassle us…constantly; when there are REAL criminals raping, murdering and stealing every day. Just last week I was pulled over for making an illegal left turn . Except I did not know it was illegal as I was distracted by hundreds of motorcyclists revving their engines and do burn-outs. Because of the distractions, I didn’t see the sign until after completing the turn. Upon explaining this to the cop, I was interrupted with a “I’ll be right back”; and after waiting 16 minutes, was presented with a $125 ticket. Ass. This highly attentive young man didn’t take the time to explain the motorcycle situation or even attempt to make me aware of the multiple no-left-turns down that strip of road, in order to avoid any future criminal activity. He typed up a ticket and felt he had done his job. Why isn’t there a website where I can rate my experience with this individual? Why are cops above reproach and beyond critique? Public servant is the farthest thing from what a cop really is…really they are all a public nuisance. I’ve known nice guys that are cops. They aren’t people I would generally be great friends with, but they seem like semi-decent humans. But as soon as they put that badge on their nip and that gun on their hip, they become overly masculine problems for the rest of us. “Bitte” has a list of meanings/uses in german; mostly it’s used as an interjection…”excuse me” or “if you please”. And in most languages “orca” means whale. In my professional opinion, the name of the 2009 Album of the Year translates into “Well, excuuuse me! You blubberous mammal!” Way to go, Dave.

Antony and the Johnsons - The Crying Light - Secretly Canadian,...

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 15:09:00 -0400

Antony and the Johnsons - The Crying Light - Secretly Canadian, 2009

I was so bummed out the first time I listened to this one, all I wanted to do was burrow into Antony’s oversized blouse and let his manchunks rock me to a sweet deathsleep. I think it was totally overkill to put the word “crying” in the name of this album. It could have just been called “The Light” and we would have completely understood after the first line of the first song. I really hope you find some joy in your life, Antony, and that you don’t go kill yourself. Granted, it might boost sales; but the self imposed bloodshed in Canada needs to stop. Sure, we could all live without the wigs and moo-moo’s and your crunched up, torture faces. But now that you’re here, I can’t remember what life was like when you weren’t. Its like you’ve always been here…standing over my shoulder…asking for a hummer. “Sorry bud,” I would whisper, “but I still really like vaginas. Check back tomorrow. Oh…and leave that demo on the kitchen table when you leave.”

Rivers Cuomo - Alone II: The Home Recordings of Rivers Cuomo -...

Sat, 25 Apr 2009 00:15:00 -0400

Rivers Cuomo - Alone II: The Home Recordings of Rivers Cuomo - Geffen, 2008

Whoa. Dude. I understand you went to Harvard. I am well aware of the buhzillions of dollars you’ve made with Weezer. At this point, why not just sleep the rest of your life off. Why? Because I can’t and you can. Instead, we’re both putting out sub-par music that we’ve recorded in our living rooms. Think about how true that is….go ahead, take your time (reader) and think about how absolutely true that statement is and how ironic it is that I am doing the exact same thing Rivers Cuomo is doing (at least musically). Im not sitting around thinking about what to do with the million bucks just chillin in my wallet, but I am trying my hardest to make music, by myself….alone….2…as well. But here’s the diff between me and Rivs. Making music that no one listens to is all I have. He has no excuse.

Coldplay - Viva la Vida - Capitol, 2008 Don’t care.

Sat, 21 Mar 2009 21:09:00 -0400

Coldplay - Viva la Vida - Capitol, 2008

Don’t care.

Peaches - I Feel Cream - XL, 2009 “Merrill Beth Nisker!...

Wed, 18 Mar 2009 00:53:16 -0400

Peaches - I Feel Cream - XL, 2009

“Merrill Beth Nisker! Get your butt back in the house young lady. There’s no way in hell you’re going to the mall looking like that!” Parents (for the most part) are great. Some really screw us up. Some actually love us and want the best for us. But here’s the thing: even the best intending parents can still be just awful. I’m a parent now, so I know this is true. Without even intending it, I make my kids miserable…pleasetaketheseshardsofbamboooutofmyfingernailbeds miserable. This is also how I feel when I listen to, look at or think about Peaches. She’s so cringeworthy that she easily knocks Roseanne Arnold, amputees and distant relatives right off their respective thrones. She’s one of those people that has homogenated music to the point that it no longer falls under any recognizable genre. Its just noise pollution, topped with juvenilemoanyelpscreaching. Peaches’ mega-rebellious, on-your-face, over-sexed persona makes me never want to have sex again. I was so busy being embarrassed for her when I was at Target today, that I reached right past the condoms and grabbed the overnightheavyflowwomandiapers. Sick. Just sick. I know all girls aren’t supposed to be cute and little and timid and sweet, but can’t they all be at least a little bit of one of these things? According to wikipedia (yeah, i know), Peaches bunked with Feist back in Toronto (the Canadian is strong with this one). What kind of awkward experimenting did these two do that drove sweet little Merrill into a career of trying to prove that she still has sex with guys (too). Both of these young ladies picked fun one-word stage names and went on to make money at our expense. Something magical must have happened back in Hogtown and we’ve been blessed with the task of picking up all the estrogendrentchedpieces. Dear Canada: please take these insane people back, we were doing fine without them.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - It’s Blitz - Interscope, 2009 In high...

Sun, 15 Mar 2009 20:41:00 -0400

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - It’s Blitz - Interscope, 2009

In high school, I had a friend named Martha. She had curly hair, tons of freckles and was officially the crabbiest person I knew. But I loved Martha and considered her a close friend. Even after high school, we spent a decent amount of time together, her and my wife got along really well and I thought that she could be one of those lifelong friends. But by our mid twenties, hanging out was becoming awkward and a bit forced. We never talked about it. We just grew apart. I still think about Martha from time to time. I’ll pop open her Facebook and see what’s new in her life. I’m O.K. with how things between us turned out, but it was kind of tough to get through. The hardest part of it may have been realizing that we just can’t control certain aspects of our lives. We naturally go through a progression of connecting points, pushing and pulling, shaping us into adults. Now married, with two kids, I’m “all grown up” (so to speak). I know who I am and I feel like I’m starting to understand my place on earth. But sometimes…I like to go back and remember what it was like to be a kid and it makes me want to slam growingup’s head in a door.